Day 5

I finally had my first cry while in truck driver training.  I knew it would happen and come to think of it, 5 days is pretty good with my stress at the maximum level most all the time and living in a space the size of a bathroom with a total stranger.  I just had to go to the bathroom, and I pulled off the interstate on the service road looking for a place big enough to park with a bathroom.  I remember doing this numerous times before, that’s what women do.  Or at least me.  He got up out the back and asked me what I was doing, I told him I had to go to the bathroom and I was looking for a place to stop, he said that I could ONLY pull over into truck stops.  And in my mind I thought, “how stupid is that? If I can pull it in there then I can go to the bathroom, end of story. And I HAVE to go.” 

I took the advice I got from my brother, “keep your big mouth shut, Holly” But inside I was seething and I STILL had to go to the bathroom.  Finally, I made it to a truck stop, he asked me some question, I didn’t even bother listening and said, I’m not in the mood.  Of course I took care of business first and then called my mom and started crying.  I think the main reason is that to make it through training I have to give up control of even where I pee.  In normal life, I rule my own domain.  I control where I go, what I do, who I see and as trivial as it may be, where I pee.  It’s very difficult to relinquish control, but the only way I will make it through is to just let it go.  I took 10 minutes to calm down and went back to the truck and continued on with my day.

Today while doing laundry at the truck stop I saw a lady dipping tobacco.  Now in all my 31 years I have never seen this before.  I just couldn’t believe it.  At first I thought that she must be a tough trucker chick, hell, she even drove flatbeds.  But after we started talking while waiting for our laundry she was very understanding and encouraging.  She really did turn my day from awful to good.  She told me just to nod my head and follow his direction while in his truck, and then I can do whatever I want when I get my own truck.  I just have to count down the days, and I am lucky that he is not creepy or super weird.  It is so nice to know that I am not alone, even though it feels like it.